


What Life Refused

by RougueShadowWolf



Series: 15 Minutes [64]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:59:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RougueShadowWolf/pseuds/RougueShadowWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In death we may have it all. We may have what life could not give us. In death you and I are what Life refused us. Life took from us more than it ever gave. Death shall give us all we have lost, all we wished in life to have. So please, be there to take my hand as I come to you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here I go

**Author's Note:**

> so this is one of three death fic things I made for my friend, she liked to of them but this one was the ugly duckling that never turned into a swan. I can only hope someone will like it. Ain't holding my breath though.

 

It had been a year, to the day and hour, a year since Derek Hale died. Everyone else had moved on, except for Stiles Stilinski; he had tried to move on, pretend he hadn’t spent two days holding the lifeless body against his own waiting for the hunters to come and finish him off as well. Part of him wishing they would come and put a bullet through his brain. But they never came.

Stiles had tried to move on; he went back to college but as the anniversary drew nearer his resolve grew as well. He cleaned his room, sold everything he could sell.  He packed the clothes he needed and dropped out of the place he had once been so excited over. He wrote letters which he posted once he was back in town. He had dinner with his dad and Melissa, both happy and surprised to see him, then left saying he’d just go and visit a few friends. He walked to the graveyard, a bottle of scotch in one hand and a paper bag in the other.

The garden of bones was silent and dark.  Stiles made his way over the gravesite that held his mother, he had to apologize to her before walking further away from the gates that would soon become the doors of his new home.  Stiles didn't stay long with his mother, only long enough to say his I'm Sorry and telling her how he knew what he was doing. Stiles passed a few familiar graves, he didn't stop by them as he had nothing to say, he only wished he would see them soon enough. Stiles wished that he would see Erica smiling at him soon enough, calling him Batman the way she had done in life. He hoped Boyd had finally found the peace he hadn't in life, he wished Boyd would finally accept him as his friend. 

Stiles wishes his mother wouldn't be too mad at him for what he was about to do, that she could forgive him for giving up on the life she had given him. The sad thing was that he could live with her disappointment in him, but he couldn't make it through another year without his sourwolf.  

Finding the grave he had come to see, he sat down with a sigh, back against the cold stone slab that held the name of the man he had fallen for faster than he had ever fallen for Lydia Martin. He pulls out his old Lumia that has grown slow but it still gives him what he needs for now, Stiles goes  through the pictures of the man he had loved so much, the man who had died before they had a chance to have a life together.

Stiles sighs at the one and only image he had was of a relaxed and smiling Derek Hale, it had been taken only days before they had been forced to leave with the hunters; Derek hadn’t fought back, hadn’t even tried to run off as soon as the curly-haired hunter had pressed the gun against Stiles’ head.

For days they beat the living hell out of Stiles, who didn’t cry for mercy not even when they got all creative with him and his body. Each time they were finished with him he was dumped back in the cage with Derek. Each time Derek had wrapped himself protectively over and around Stiles, the warmth of the werewolf keeping the cold at bay, and each time the werewolf would try and as much of the pain away as he could. The more they broke Stiles, the more fiercely Derek voiced his love towards Stiles and promised they would be fine because Derek wouldn’t leave him. Derek would never abandon Stiles. And Stiles believed in Derek, because Derek wouldn't lie to him.

They had tortured Derek as well, but the only times Stiles heard the werewolf screaming for mercy was when it was Stiles who was being treated like a punching bag, needle cushion or a hole to fuck. The problem was that the more Derek begged for mercy the more they hurt Stiles, it was a vicious circle.

They slowly poisoned Derek, until he could barely move or grunt when he was punched or strung up like a piece of meat in a slaughter house, when he stopped breathing and his heartbeat slowed down to nothing, they tossed his cooling body back into the cage telling Stiles to enjoy the last seconds of Derek's life as best he could.

Stiles had sobbed and begged for Derek not to give up. He told Derek that he couldn't live without him, that he loved him. The hunters laughed at Stiles, mocked him as he held on to what he had left of his powerful sourwolf. Once Derek was dead the hunters left, no longer interested in playing with Stiles when there was no one there to scream for them to stop. They left Stiles in the dark with a dead body as his only companion.

Stiles had wanted to die the moment he realized Derek was gone; he wished it as he held Derek’s lifeless corps for the days it took before they were found my Scott, he had wished for death with much more strenght than before when they took Derek away from him. Stiles had wished his own body into the same hole Derek's body was laid down in.

Stiles had tried to move on. He had.

But nothing could replace Derek. No one could make the emptiness vanish or ease it down to something manageable. In the end he could no longer sleep because when he opened his eyes in the morning he felt worse than the day before. He could not keep his food down. He could not speak without his voice breaking. He could not go a day without crying and screaming for Derek to come back.

Stiles had tried to find ways with which to bring back Derek, but there were none, which was so wrong because Peter had managed it why couldn't he and Derek.

Stiles emptied the paper bag down on his lap and uncapped little orange bottles and the bottle of Jack, he knew this wasn’t the best way but at least it wouldn’t be as messy as some of the ideas he had and needles were out of the question, as was the prospect of cutting into his flesh as he couldn’t handle the blood and bleeding out on Derek’s grave wasn’t something he was ready to do.

Without a feeling of fear, doubt, or anything other than hopefulness he started to take the pills and swallowed them with the bottle he had bought for the occasion talking to the picture of a smiling Derek, recapping their adventures and mishaps.

`I loved you so much. I love you so much.´ Stiles slurred as his body began to fail him, just like Derek’s had. But unlike Derek he felt no fear, he had no reason to worry about anyone or anything anymore; his dad had Melissa and Scott, Scott had his pack, and Stiles would have Derek and his mum. He could have everything life hadn't given him.

 


	2. The After Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The afterlife was nothing like Derek had imagined it to be there were no white clouds or men and women with wings or the pearly-gates or any other nonsense he had heard a hundred times, still he was glad his afterlife wasn’t one of brimstone. The afterlife Derek found wasn’t all that different to life, fine the drama and the fear of death was no longer there, he was still in Beacon Hills but now with his family. That Stiles Stilinski was not with him was both a curse and a blessing, a blessing as it told Derek the boy he’d fallen for with his heart and soul was still alive; the curse however of not having Stiles was nearly unbearable for Derek as he did not know if Stiles was safe and sound, there was also the pain he felt spending his afterlife without Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So 15min is back and my friends here is struggling with new ideas and so my friend let us call her Artful has decided that she desires for me throw a small chapter into an old and long forgoten story. I was asked to write a story where Derek dies and he wants to get back to Stiles but then he sees his family or just his mother and well he doesn’t, and I fucked it up royally so please do try and enjoy a little! I know this is damn short but I’m not into the whole afterlife thing so this was hard as hell to do without getting all annoyed and angry.

 

`Please. Please don’t leave me.´ the voice was so broken, so pleading that Derek could barely believe it belonged to his Stiles, who had always been so strong even when anyone else wouldn’t have been able to do the same, `Derek please I love. I need you.´ the voice was fading away and Derek struggled to hear the voice he’d grown to love and he forced himself to wake-up to show Stiles he was still there and that no matter how sick he was or how broken his body had become Derek wouldn’t leave him. But the moment he opened his eyes he knew he’d failed, Derek was no longer in pain or trapped in a cage with Stiles who had gone through so much worse than Derek had just because brave Stiles refused to betray his friends; foolish Stiles who chose Derek instead of a normal life as a normal human, ridiculous Stiles who spat in the face of the hunters when they had given him the chance to save himself. 

 

All Derek sees when he opens his eyes is a great tree that loomed over him all ancient and gnarled, leaves of silver-white fell slowly around him he reached out to catch one and it felt feather soft and light against the palm of his hand. 

 

He can’t hear the heartbeat he’d grown incredibly fond of hearing, all Derek hears are birds singing and the sound of the gentle breeze whispering through the trees all around him.Derek sits up and calls out for Stiles although he knows in his heart of hearts that Stiles isn’t there but still he yells for the person who’d for some strange reason loved him and whom Derek had fallen in love with in the process of time, he screams for him in that familiar and frightening way with which Derek had done so many times before whenever he couldn’t find Stiles or feared for Stiles’ safety. 

 

Derek is up on his feet with one swift motion, scanning his surroundings while still desperately calling for Stiles because he refuses to believe he’d just left Stiles there in that hell-hole with those rapist bastards; if Derek ever found a way back he would hunt them all down and make them suffer twice as much as they had made Stiles suffer. 

 

`STILES! ´ Derek yelled out into the forest that surrounded him, his voice didn’t echo and for some reason he had a feeling it didn’t even move past the first barrier of trees that surrounded the small clearing where the great tree stood. `STILES! ´

 

`He’s not here.´ the unfamiliar female voice called out to Derek long before Claudia Stilinski stepped into the clearing, her voice full of sorrow,Derek had never actually met Stiles mother but he had seen pictures of her around the Stilinski house; and for the past week Stiles had talked about his mother simply because of Derek’s need to hear his voice do something other than cry and scream in agony, he’d needed to hear Stiles’ voice because it was the only thing that could ease the fears and pains Derek had been suffering from and as long as Stiles talked then the human was very much alive.

 

`Where is he? Where’s Stiles? ´ Derek asked when he really should have asked where _he_ was. If Derek hadn’t been in such a state then he might have been able to see how beautiful Claudia Stilinski was even if the bright and lively smile she had worn in every picture was not there for Derek to see, all he could see and sense was a deep sorrow and worry while feeling like he was being torn apart by his own unstable emotions that crashed over him as the idea that he had abandoned Stiles to handle all those men alone settled inside him. 

 

`He’s not here. He’s still there.´ Claudia’s voice broke as she told him what Derek already knew, there were tears in her eyes and dear God it killed him in a whole new way to see her cry over the cruel fate of her only child.He pulled at his hair and looked around desperately trying to find a way back to Stiles; he could live with the torture and pain, he could live through it as long as he was there with Stiles. 

 

`I can’t – I can’t be here.´ Derek said voice full of desperation, `I – I need to get back. How do I get back? ´ 

 

`How do I get back? Tell me how do I get back?´ Derek asked reaching out towards the woman who had created the most wonderful human Derek had ever met, but at the moment he didn’t care about her all he cared about was getting back to Stiles. 

 

`There’s no way.´ Claudia answered shaking her head and lowering her gaze, `You can’t go back, unless you are summoned and even then you’re nothing more than a ghost.´

 

`I NEED TO GET BACK!´ Derek yells at the woman, because there has to be some way for him to return, his uncle had done it so he should be able to do the same, `I promised him - I promised him I wouldn’t leave him again. I promised him.´ Derek feels the tears start to sting his eyes that were pleading his case to Claudia Stilinski who’s beauty had been passed down to her son; the pale skin dotted with dark moles and the whiskey colored eyes, the shape of the nose and the bow of the lip, it was a painful reminder of what Derek had left behind because he’s body had failed him. 

 

Derek’s voice trembles as he said, `I promised him.´ 

 

_ `My mum gave the greatest hugs,´  _ Stiles had said just a few days ago while running his long slender fingers through Derek’s hair, _`they were like – like love – just love,_ ´ his head had been on Stiles chest as they laid there on the cold hard ground in the dark, both shivering and both hurting and Stiles voice was raw after the hour of abuse the hunters gave him but there had been no bitterness in that voice just the love, _`You could feel it soak into your soul, and no matter how angry or upset you were her hugs could make it all go away.´_ Derek hadn’t had the heart to tell him all mother’s had that quality of a hug in their possession, he’d just listened to Stiles tell him about how wonderful Claudia Stilinski had been until he was finally able to fall asleep. 

 

The thing is Stiles was right, the moment Claudia wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly Derek felt such a sense of love from her that he broke down crying, and they were like that until a voice Derek had missed oh so much called out to him with disbelief, `Derek? Is that you? ´ 

 

Claudia lets him go at once stepping back head bowed like she’d done something forbidden. Derek senses the sorrow and unhappiness Claudia feels, but this misery isn’t because of _him_ or the arrival of his mother but _Stiles_ ; and for the moment he couldn’t find the time to ask Claudia if her suffering was because Stiles wasn’t there with them or because he’d been left to fend for himself amongst men who had no honor or morals. 

 

Derek turns to face his mother and Talia Hale looks like she was about to burst with joy, it was a look Derek had never seen on her face before and it made her look much younger than what she had been on the last day of her life. Seeing his mother right there, her body whole and healthy, made him much more aware how much he had missed his mother; he had always missed her, he had always missed his family, but when Stiles had stepped into his life the ache had eased into something bearable, after Stiles he’d found laughter again.

 

`Mom? Mom!´ Derek says voice trembling with so many emotions, he’d longed to see his mother but Derek had never been aware how much until now and unlike the person Derek had grown into after the fire he ran towards his mother who came as speedily towards him. **** When they hugged he began to cry because his entire body and soul had missed her, he had missed her so much; sure he was now taller and nothing like the teenager he had been on the morning he left for school all angry and annoyed because his mother thought he should spend more time studding instead of with the mysterious and deadly girlfriend Derek had found himself. ****

 

`I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry mom.´ Derek sobbed while clinging on to his mother, who rubbed his back familiarly, and kissed him where she could reach while he clung to her like an octopus. 

 

`Not your fault baby-boy. Not your fault.´ his mother tells him over and over again, there’s no lie on her tongue at it makes him cry that much harder because for once he believes it. And while he clung to his mother Claudia Stilinski slipped away. 

 


End file.
